Motherhood

When I see my reflection in a mirror, any mirror, I think, “You are a mother, can you believe it”?  Sometimes I look at my two month old and think, “Are you really mine”?  It’s very surreal.

I absolutely love being Dax’s mommy.  It’s a joy to make him smile.  I’m amazed I instinctually know how to make him happy, or know what’s wrong when he’s not.  It’s such a mother thing.  I so appreciate my own mom.  I didn’t know I had this great capacity to love. 

There are the days when we feel like great mothers.  Then there are those days we feel we fall short.  Being able to be a stay-at-home mom is a blessing.  I get to work at home when so many moms have to shuffle children off to babysitters.  It’s truly a balancing act between hitting a deadline and needing to feed a hungry baby at the same time. 

Oh, and the mom guilt!  There are those days I hope my son takes a longer nap so I can meet those deadlines for work and maybe get a bit ahead.  Sleep is now a luxury.  I can, however, get a few zzzz’s slumped over my computer when working late.

It’s normal to be frustrated, to feel you are losing yourself physically sometimes mentally in the all consuming business of mothering.  Sometimes, there’s just no time to shower.  I’ve forgotten to brush my teeth until I wonder why my teeth feel as fuzzy as my head for lack of sleep. 

However, if I stood outside this cozy little home and looked in the window, I would see a beautiful healthy baby, an amazing husband and a woman who has changed into a down to earth mom in a “not so together outfit” with a Coke Zero on the table.

Two months have gone by.  Sometimes, days go on forever and others in an instant.  But I have to remember my baby will only be this little once and with each passing moment his babiness is slipping away.

With all the joys and tribulations of momhood and the million things we juggle and must cope with, my little Dax’s smile and well being are what’s important and I’ll remember this each time I hear the ticking of the clock.