Even as a kid I was made fun of. I was the girl most other girls hated. As they battled weight problems I was eating as much junk food as I could stuff in my mouth. Leaving the cafeteria in high school they snickered, “there she goes to the bathroom again to throw up”. Boys passed me notes, not the “I love you, do you love me” type but the “are you bulimic or anorexic? Circle one”. The most fun instance was when a health teacher announced, “alright class we are going to watch a movie about Alia, I mean a girl named Sara”. A girl who was bulimic and weighed 99 lbs.
I was so self-conscience, I wore two pairs of pants at the same time so my legs wouldn’t look like sticks. I joined track and swimming hoping to bulk up a bit below the waist. Still no hips, no shapely legs just the same skinny, flat chested me. Nothing seemed to fit right, I was always prepared for a flood and I looked like a 12 year old.
I was actually ostracized for being so tiny and looking so young. Sometimes comments are meant to be compliments like “I would kill to have your body” or “you are so cute and tiny.” I would never want someone to kill because, wouldn’t I be an accessory to a crime? Cute and tiny at 29 does not make for a serious career path as no one takes you seriously.
I come from a long line of pioneer women who were tiny. My great, great, great grandmother had 10 kids and never weighed more than 105. My great grandfather never had an ounce of extra fat on him. My grandfather was 5’3″ and stayed a boxing featherweight most of his life. My mom has lived through 6 kids and is still 102. What I’m trying to say is “it’s not my fault”! Sorry, sorry, I was born this way!
“You know you won’t always be this skinny”. Not said by my fortune teller, but some Einstein who can see into my future.
“Someday it will all catch up to you”. Like someone saying my sins will catch up to me and someday I will have to pay. Those ghost pounds are chasing me!!!! Lions and tigers and bears! Oh my!
“Well, I mean, you will probably get diabetes or something” and what, get rotund? My witch bitch doctor gave me this diagnoses. My fortune teller wouldn’t be so indelicate. She would say, “you will probably die” period. Since I’m pretty healthy at the moment I’ll not worry about diabetes “or something”. And I’m so sorry to burst bubbles but not all people who get diabetes carry extra pounds, or get them after.
It’s so not fair I’m skinny. It’s so not fair my friend is wealthy and I am not. It’s so unfair you have a Ph.d and I don’t. It’s so unfair you’re hair is naturally blonde and mine isn’t. It’s so unfair, it’s so unfair, it’s so unfair. You can’t have my body unless you take my brain with you. Nope, you don’t get to be you and have my physique too. You get the whole package. That means you lose the good things in your life to take over an object you mistakenly think will make you happy. Or just wanting someone to be as unhappy as you.
Coveting and wishing and jealousy and feeling entitled is so ugly. Get over it. Be happy on the path you’re on, or get back on it. A bully is a coward. Who gives anyone the right to make insulting comments because of some “I want to get you back” for being something they can’t be. Be who you can be and just be grateful you are alive. You could be dead, or dying of diabetes or be anorexic which is a very real and horrible disease.
Life can be truly magical when we are happy with who we are. If you aren’t happy there are a ton of diet and self help books out there. Books on preventing disease (like diabetes), how to make friends and influence people (and relatives), and how to train for a marathon with a book called, “How to Run and Not Let it Catch Up to You”.
Here’s a pic, over a year old. I had red hair?!
I am small, but I like it.